It is commonly known that lawn bowls have a bias. (10 pin bowls don’t. They just curve if you send down a crap shot). But lawn bowls have a big picture on one side and a small one on the other. The small picture faces the inside of the curve when chucking it up the green…otherwise it heads off in the wrong direction and ends up on somebody else’s green. So, when you bowl a ‘wrong bias’ there is usually an embarrassing moment. Players all over the green often cheer or yell out cheeky comments and worse, make ding ding ding noises. This reminds you that money is now involved. Fifty cents! A dollar! And it means that when everyone goes inside the miscreant has to go up to the bar and ring a bell and call out their name as they place their ‘fine’ into the piggy bank. The great thing is that this money goes to a very worthy cause…often to the local hospice etc.

Now, being blonde, female and over 60 I needed to ponder this situation carefully because new bowlers often make the mistake of sending up a wrong bias. So, when I had suffered the cheers and jeers and laughter on the green I wanted to avoid it in the club room. So, when I rang the bell and dropped in the dollar I shouted out ‘DOUG HARRIS’. And, yay, it worked! The room erupted for a few moments as it does with ribald comments and laughter directed at Doug who was sitting quietly enjoying his beer and I scuttled back to my seat.

Sorry, Dougie. Sh*t happens.

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